A Life Affirming No and Yes

It was the first week of the second semester and I sat in my acting class taking notes. As I wrote, I suddenly became aware of this energy coming up from my lower chakras, into the crown of my head, releasing an inner scream, saying, "No!" I knew instantly I wasn't supposed to be an actress, that I was on the wrong path, and dropped out of the school by the end of the week.

On the one hand, it was a relief to leave acting school. After reading Power of the Mind, by Adam Smith when I lived in Boston, I used affirmations consistently (3 times a day with emotion) as well as visualization, to get myself into the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. As I had tested almost "off-the-chart" in introversion when I took the Meyers-Briggs test, and had led a fairly reclusive life in Boston, this feat of auditioning and getting accepted into this acting school was a major one.

On the other hand, though I now knew I had the power to create what I wanted, I was had no idea what I wanted. Acting had seemed like it would be fun, a great way to live, but since it wasn't "me" the fun turned out to be only theoretical.

I slept for a month at my Dad's house. I was sad, empty, directionless. Yet, even in this mini-depression, I kept praying, I prayed as I fell asleep, as I woke up, as I'd pondered in bed, I never let go of God. Then one morning, I was sitting on the floor, leaning against my bed, thinking about the Santa Anita Church, and suddenly my third eye opened up and Santa Anita was all Light. Just as instantly knew I wasn't an actress, I knew instantly this was my path and that I needed to study and learn all I could about New Thought at this church.

I drove across country again, back to Pasadena, CA, this time to immerse myself in the life at Santa Anita Church. In retrospect, it seems so obvious, my journals were full of my desire to know and serve God. When I told my therapist in Boston, this new direction I was taking, he said it made sense since I talked about God so much in our sessions. I remember thinking, "I did?" It was always there, but I never saw it. This Light experience put me on a path I had never been off, but could now consciously see and participate in.