Seeing The Matrix, New Life Is Birthed

Tired and confused I sat on a hill. I decided I was going to sit there until I died of starvation since life no longer made sense to me.

We all identify with some part of our habit patterns, usually our better ones, as our sense of "I". The habit patterns I had cherished as my identity were ones that validated that I was a "good moral" person. My first year away from home obliterated the illusion of "goodness" as I defined it. Yet it wasn't that I had gone against so many of my moral values that threw me into this loss of identity, it was that I didn't feel like I was a bad person because of it. Surely, not being good, made me a bad person, yet I didn't feel bad. I sat on that hill, thinking to myself, "this doesn't make sense, I should be a bad person if I'm not good, but I don't in anyway feel like a bad person. If I'm not good, and not bad, what am I? What I thought was up is down, down is up, right is left, left is right, nothing makes sense."

Lost in the confusion of these mixed-up perspectives, I turned to my left and stared at an object that was familiar, I just couldn't remember what it was. I knew a wise person had once taught me what it was, then it popped into my brain, "oh, that's a tree", then the next thing I knew, I was outside of the earth, looking at it from quite some distance. I was aware of 2 lines coming from me, going to the outer circumference of each side of the earth. Then I saw the people on earth, living their lives with energy boxes around them (though this experience was very geometric, I didn't see eclipses, the way energy fields around the body are usually depicted). The boxes, it was revealed to me, were peoples beliefs and values and they created those boxes themselves. Peoples beliefs and values weren't what was ultimately Real about who they were. Then I became aware of my Mom and her box was all light. Even good values were still boxes, and those boxes of identity weren't Real either, just self-made illusions. I knew that which was witnessing this vision/experience was what was Real. And with that, I was back in my body.

It is one thing to read that in words, another to experience it. The experience was so powerful, that a lifetime of attachment to my identity as being moral being dropped away instantly. I was set free and simultaneously birthed into the next phase of my journey; if our identities - collective and individual - of morals and values weren't what's ultimately Real, what was?

With all births there is a death, in all deaths, there is birth. I am grateful for this delivery into a new and mysterious world.