How I Got To Be The Way I Am...Maybe.

I believe we are born into this world not as blank slates, but with a mass of habit patterns already in place. Where these habit patterns come from, genetics or past lives, is a question I can't really answer though I do have my suspicions. I suspect our propensities are caused both by past lives and genetics, and I even believe genetics are determined by these propensities. I do distinguish between belief and knowing, and this most certainly is my belief, thus, I remain open to other possibilities.

For me, I was born happy and timid. I was not an extrovert, but an introvert, happier at home with family than out in the noisy, chaotic and extremely confusing world. Perhaps it was because of this tendency that I was naturally drawn to anything religious. However, I believe my interest in the religious also was a prediliction with which I was born. I feel as though I actually haven't had much choice in who I am, that it was something I was born to be, and thus each circumstance related to that purpose took on greater value and significance in my life.

For example, I went to a Jewish montessori school for 3 years, 2 years of nursery school and 1 year of kindergarten. By far, what I remember most of those 3 years was having Shabbat every Friday, learning Hebrew and the various celebrations of Jewish holidays. I also have a memory of standing in front of the mirror while I was in the classroom, watching my mouth as I sang the "glorias" of Angels We Have Heard on High. Though I have vague memories of some of the "works" of montessori, and spent significantly more time on them then standing in front of the mirror singing, or the once a week Shabbat, it is the religious where I feel the strongest and fondest memories.

So much of what we teach in the individuation process is that we are not victims, we have choice, we have power to change our life and yet so much of my experience seems to be fueled by something much greater than my individual will. What about you? Has your individual will created the life you now have? Do you feel the influence of something greater than your individual self in creating who you are and how you show up in the world? Is it genetics and enviornment, or is there something else in the mix?

I find in asking these questions of ourselves, it helps to hang out in the paradox of both/and rather then either/or. If God is All, there must be some truth in all perspectives, yes?